So today I've been thinking about college and how I really wish I was still a senior in high school. Most of my friends are still there, and I have to move on somewhat.... but I don't want to.
In a way I wish I could skip (time travel) to a couple years from now to when I've got some college done, have a job and could think about getting married ( :] ) and having my own house and family etc. It's just this whole in limbo thing that's getting to me. I want to minister for God, but there's all this time in between where I have so much to do I'll never get it done and so much I have to leave behind~ things that I never really knew, (like being a teenager.)
It's just ugh! :P
But then I have to remember that God has a direction for me and it includes all of this- college, and my family and the friends that I will continue to have and new one's I'll make, (and a super awesome guy! ;) )
So basically today started out as a 'Katie wants to feel sorry for herself and pout in the corner for a couple of years' kind of day. Then it turned into a 'Katie needs to get herself in gear and keep working to get where God wants her to go' sort of day =)
5 comments:
That's a depressing end to the story...
yeh, but that's where it stands so far:P maybe tonight I'll have a different outlook... I'll get back to you on that:)
(I'm going to speak out fo turn here.)
Why not feel bad for yourself? Why not go cry in th corner? Do you not know that THAT is exactly what you need? Your mother says you need to start acting like an adult-but when in your life did you get to be a kid?! That's my question to the both of you. I tell you this: You don't fully know what it is to be immature or to care only for yourself. Be selfish! Want what is not yours! Break something! SCREAM!
And I ask you to do all of this, not because it is the wrong thing, but because you don't know what its like. Its human. Thats what you need most. To be human; To express your opinions loudly without caring what everyone else thinks. Something I don't see in you except for a small seedling that, if not nurtured, will be looked upon in your life as just a small rebelious phase and nothing more. But you always have that void.
If you do as your mother tells you, instead of deciding for yourself, everything you're doing right now and everything you want so desperately to understand, all will mean nothing.
I say it all of the time, but I'll say it again. You're 18. You are of the age where you can make adault decisions. You've already had to all your life, why should it change now?
I don't know that you will ever get to the spot where you're ready for ministry or a family if you don't stop listening to the dictations of your mother, your church, and whatever the crap I'm spewing, and you simply start figuring out for yourself where the right direction is.
No me, nor your mother, nor any of your friends know what is right for you. THERE is your lesson. Not one of us knows a single thing that is right for you, because we are not you. You are.
Freedom is choice. Use it.
(Hahaha, that went over well.)
The confusing part of what you said is how bipolar it sounds. That I'm supposed to regress- yet why should I change from what I've been.
It's not so much that I have to change... it's that NOW I HAVE to. I have to step out and stand up on my own, and yes, I've done that my whole life- but support's been there somewhat if I had needed it. If I wanted to turn back and swim for the wall it would have been there. Now it won't be.
It's like riding a bike with training wheels but not relying on them... then when you take the training wheels off you suddenly have to learn not to rely on them all over again:P
yeah- I'm already doing enough rebellion against my mom it's blowing my mind: I'm going to PCC not GFU, I'm taking Karate instead of ballroom dancing, I'm going out with you instead of just being happy being a lonesome individual who really wants to be with you, and I rearange my mom's schedule with mine occasionally. I know that sounds pathetic- but it's way more than I've ever done. I'm not trying to justify who I am... I know I'm odd, and I don't take pride in that. But I also know that if I were to rebel I would risk expulsion from the ministerial tract and a lack of trust from everyone. I have another question for you that I'll email l8r:)
It's not bi-polar. It's all negative, if you look at it the way you do. :)
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